Separation of Mind and Heart
Fiction by Sarah Aiello
Persische Nachtigallen (Persian Nightingales) by Paul Klee, Courtesy National Gallery of Art, Washington
How did we know the right path when there was more than one? So many decisions determine the course of our lives, unknowingly guiding us to fulfill our destiny. Destiny…well, destiny was seldom spoken of in these times. Some believed they were born for something grand…or, more accurately, for this tale, born to be someone’s companion unto death. Of course, not everyone believed in destiny, but it became a tragedy for those who did. This was the start of our tale, in the heart of a relationship where one found their soulmate, but the other was looking outward for better prospects. Unfortunately, both were aware of the other’s feelings, so it was all doomed from the start.
Spring had yielded to summer not two months prior, and it was the perfect day for a proposal, or was it a breakup? Perhaps it was both, but before the woman stepped surefooted on the park ground, clutching a box of her belongings, and before the man walked excitedly on the cobblestone path holding a ring box, critical events led to the decisions of the man and woman.
Tess Marian was what most people considered the life of the party; she was chronically optimistic and a ray of sunshine in a world that wanted to block out her joy. Her most notable trait, however, was her reckless streak. To her friends, she was characterized as the one who broke it off with a man before she gave the relationship a chance, and this relationship was no different.
Two sets of shoes, one heeled and the other combat boots, clicked against the sidewalk opposite the town hall. Tess was tired of the small life and seeing all the same people every day, unlike Clara, her best friend and ride-or-die. She was related to half of the population, and finding her boyfriend had been a stroke of luck, especially since he wasn’t her distant cousin.
“Who’s the poor man you’re breaking this time?” Clara asked none too gently.
Tess rolled her eyes and flicked her glossed sunglasses down. “His name is Marcus, which you already know, and I’m not going to break him. Next month, I’m moving to the city, and I want nothing tying me to this place. Except you, of course,” she added when Clara flashed her signature pout.
“I don’t know why you’re letting Marcus go. Of all your boyfriends—and there were plenty—he was my favourite.”
“Then maybe you should date him,” Tess snapped. She tucked a wayward strand of cherry-red hair behind her generously pierced ear.
Clara glared at her from the corner of her eye. “I’m not trying to pick a fight with you, Tess, but I need to know you’ve thought this through.”
Tess sighed, fixing her hair against the warm breeze that tore through the streets. “I know, I’m sorry, but you have nothing to worry about. When have I not thought something through?”
Clara snorted. “Are you listening to yourself? You never think anything through. Remember two summers ago when you hooked up with that guy at the beach? What about when you got a tattoo when you were absolutely wasted?”
“Fine,” Tess relented, “I should have thought about it before getting involved with a biker and getting a tattoo. But this time is different—I’m not wasted or delusional.”
“I’ve heard that one before,” she muttered.
Tess cut her a look that should have sent her running, but as they rounded the corner to their shared apartment, she gave no reaction. “I have wanted to move since I finished university, and I’m not letting some superficial relationship stand in the way.”
Thanks to Clara’s paycheck, the apartment they called home was among the luxurious complexes with three stories of rooms, the only gym in town, and a front desk. Unlike Tess, Clara was more than happy to return home after graduating with a business administration degree, but Tess returned only because she had to.
Three years ago, her mother passed from cancer, and since they didn’t have an extensive medical facility, there was little they could have done to preserve her life. So, a year before she died, Tess returned to help her father pay the medical bills and be with her mother in her final moments. She didn’t regret her choice, which included starting something with Marcus. He was there for her at her lowest when even Clara couldn’t bring her out of the dark void of her mind. She hated herself for thinking it, but every time she looked at his sweet face, it brought her back to that dark place in her mind. She had a sunshine reputation to uphold, and she wouldn’t let him ruin it.
In Tess’s eyes, Marcus was a great man with great potential and would one day make a lucky woman happy, but that woman wasn’t Tess. At the ripe age of twenty-six, she knew there were plenty of other men out there who would better suit her, men who thrived in the city.
As the elevator ascended to the second floor, Clara popped the question Tess had been bracing herself for the moment they met at the coffee house two hours ago, “So, when are you going to do it?”
Tess inhaled deeply and slowly released the breath, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. “Tomorrow. Nothing like the present, right?”
Ah yes, the resolve of a young person so set in their ways they failed to see the other’s point of view and address the situation appropriately. In a small town comprised of a few streets, it was easy to forget that there was always another side to the same story.
Tess had put her story rather simply—a desired future with a tragic background to accompany it. Not many people in this town saw what resided underneath the party girl’s exterior, and among the exclusive people allowed behind her walls were Clara and Marcus. Marcus was a lucky young man; her first boyfriend allowed within that dark vault in her mind. Of course, he didn’t know that, but would the story have gone differently if he did?
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
Another person of interest, the final side that would wrap this story up with a neat little bow, was doing anything but sitting idly.
Marcus lived not two blocks from Tess in an apartment of his own. He was an accountant for the only firm in the town and handled most of the population’s taxes, working with the mayor to decide the city’s budget. He was an ambitious young man with big dreams centred on his hometown.
He considered finding Tess a stroke of luck, and he wasn’t ready to let go of her so soon. With so few people in this town, Marcus had written off love for good, resigned to the fact that he might never find “the one,” but there was always hope in his heart. He was among the few who believed in destiny, and when he had first set his eyes on Tess, he knew she was the one he would spend the rest of his life with. If only he knew Tess’s intentions, he might have thought differently before visiting the jeweller down the street.
“I don’t know,” Marcus contemplated, sharing a look with his brother Nate from across the room. “Do you have anything less bulky? Something she can wear every day without it being annoying.” The sales lady gave him a smile and a nod and disappeared in the back.
Marcus stretched his back after staying so long stooped over, examining the many rings. A satisfying crack released the tension in his spine, and he sighed. Shopping for a ring had proven more difficult than Marcus thought imaginable. He thought it would be as simple as going to a jeweller, picking out a ring, and taking it home; that would have been too easy. There were at least a hundred different styles in this shop alone, and that was after visiting two others before coming here as his last hope to find the perfect engagement ring. To make matters worse, the store would be closing soon, and he could tell the lady, Marissa, was getting annoyed with his many requests and just wanted to go home.
Nate came to stand beside him with a ring in hand. “How about this one?” The ring he held was simple, a corded golden band with a single large diamond with a smaller ruby on either side. “It’s not as bulky as the other ones.” He had to admit it was a beautiful ring, but he still shook his head.
“It’s not right. The band alone would cause Tess grief in the way it would indent her finger.”
Nate groaned and set it on the counter. “Come on, man, we’ve been at this all day. Why not give it a rest and come back tomorrow with fresh eyes?”
“This is the last place that sells engagement rings in this town. If we don’t find it tonight, we won’t find it anywhere.”
“You could always go into the city,” Nate offered.
Marcus looked sidelong at his brother. “You know I hate that place.”
Nate rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter, running his hands through his curly black hair. “I don’t know the big deal with you and the city.” He knew, of course, why Marcus hated the city so much, but he refused to understand.
In a place that was too crowded and loud, and one’s destination was always out of reach, the city was not where Marcus had ever wanted to spend his life. Yet, despite his own aversion to the city, it was there that Marcus had met Tess at university. They clicked instantly, and when he heard she was returning to the town they both grew up in, he followed, afraid to lose her. He was there in the darkest time of her life, and if it weren’t for that moment, Marcus never would have seen the woman behind the façade she put up for everyone else to see.
Thankfully, Marissa returned from the back, “This is our summer collection,” she stated, opening the box of rings. “It’s the last set we have.”
One look inside the large velvet box had his heart soaring. In the centre of the box, as if it were the north star, sat the perfect ring. A silver band with rhombus-shaped diamonds formed an infinity symbol on either side of the treasure in the centre. It was a stone he had never seen in any other stores; threads of gold melted with the stunning lustre of the teardrop-shaped diamond. Engraved along the inner band were the words, My love eternal.
Marcus tore his eyes away from the ring to nod at Marissa. “I’ll take this one,” he said with complete conviction.
Marissa smiled and removed the ring, placing it into the velvet box he chose upon arriving in the store. He could have sworn she sighed in relief that he finally picked one, but he was too enthralled by the ring to feel anything other than joy. “A lovely choice, sir. She is truly a lucky woman.” And I a lucky man, Marcus thought.
Marcus clutched the box tight in his hands on the walk home, afraid that it would simply disappear if he lifted a finger.
Nate slung his arm around Marcus’s shoulder and laughed. “I can’t believe you’re getting married. I thought you would be too afraid of rejection to pop the question.”
Marcus dislodged Nate’s arms from his shoulder, chuckling. “I was when I first thought about it,” he admitted. “But thinking about a life without her was worse than thinking about her turning me down. Besides, I have no doubt that she will say yes.”
Nate nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “When are you going to propose?”
Marcus couldn’t stop the broad smile that followed his train of thought. He had planned this all meticulously, down to what he would say before he got down on one knee. “Tomorrow. And I know exactly how it’s going to go.”
As Marcus told the story of how he would ask the love of his life to marry him, the sun sank below the horizon, exposing a blanket of stars above the brothers. Marcus had wanted everything to be perfect for the woman that captured his heart. He knew everything there was about Tess…well…almost everything. If Marcus had known her true intentions for the next day, things would have gone very differently for him. He never would have spent a quarter of his savings on a ring or days preparing for this moment. Some things were easily avoidable if the proper measures were taken, and this scenario was one of them.
This brings us to the ending of this tragic tale, with Tess and Marcus meeting in the park. With Tess clutching a box of Marcus’s belongings and Marcus holding the ring behind his back, they met in the park’s centre. They looked at each other. Marcus was confused at the box of belongings, and Tess did not understand his radiant smile. At that moment, the pair knew something was wrong.
Slowly, Marcus revealed the ring he had bought, his heart no longer soaring but broken into a million jagged pieces with no hope of recovery. Tess gasped, and the box slipped from her fingers, spilling across the grass.
Tess sank to the ground, dread filling her features at realizing what this meant. Teary-eyed, Marcus went down with her, the box hanging loosely from his fingers as he took in all the items he had shared with Tess over the years they had been together.
It was here that time stood still. It was here that one had to make a decision. It was here that Tess had to decide to go on with her breakup speech, hoping Marcus would understand. It was here that Marcus had to decide to go on with his proposal in hopes that she would change her mind and stay with him.
No matter the outcome, both would lose something: Tess, the comfort she felt with her boyfriend, and Marcus, his confidence that she would always love him. In this tragic tale, the couple had no happy ending.
So, all of this could have been avoided if only they had been open with each other. If Tess had made Marcus aware of her plans, and Marcus had shared his vision of their future.
There was no happy ending because this was not a fairy tale; this was reality. When your heart and mind were separated by different desires, you forgot to consider the most important people in your life. This was not the first tale, and it would not be the last. But maybe, just maybe, some could be avoided by bridging the separation of our minds and hearts.
Sarah Aiello is a Laurentian University student in her fourth year of study. She is working towards a Major in English Literature and a Minor in Business Administration. A storyteller at heart, she explores different writing mediums to share with her loved ones. She currently has three short stories with Polar Expressions Publishing, and two poems published with the Margin Literary Journal.